I don't know what to feel....

I need an outlet to release all my pent up anguish, disappointment and heartache I've been feeling over the past few months...

now I truly know how it feels like to lose something that's very very dear. My throat has been giving me problems since the beginning of this year, and when the doctor diagnosed it as a normal inflammation, I thought nothing of my situation. But over the months, I do feel the difference in the condition of my throat as compared to the past... frequently having dry throat, and it gets sore easily from eating heaty food like chocolate and durian, when I talk loudly, and when I SING...

I went for Karaoke today, and my mind just blanked out when I heard myself sing. Why am I sounding like this? why can't I hit the right notes? why is my voice like that? These were all the questions running through my head... I felt like CRYING!

:(